Hesitation
by Dallirious
Summary: Episode Swap Meet What was going through Catherine's head during that little argument?


**Disclaimer:** I don't own… and we all know that.  
**Rating:** G. I don't understand the new rating things so I'm sticking to this one.  
**Spoilers:** Swap Meet  
**Summary:** What was going through Catherine's head during that little argument?  
**A/N:** Come on we all saw and heard the hesitation and we are G/C shippers so what else are we supposed to think? So we're in Catherine's POV but right at the end we change to Gil's POV.

* * *

"I know that you got the memo, I'm not sure that you read it." I'm not even sure if he's listening to me, but I continue anyway. "Ecklie is being promoted to Assistant Director. They are taking applications for his supervisor spot on days. I want it." I watch him as he sits down, still silent. "What? You want the day spot for yourself?" No, that can't be it. "You're worried about giving me a good A.P. score and breaking up the team?" Come on Gil, talk to me here. You know I hate one-sided conversations. Oh my god… "Or maybe you think I'm incapable of the position? Not worthy of the promotion? Is that it?" How could he do this to me? I roll my eyes and scoff. I can't believe this. Every time, every damn time… "I'm just always, always, always defending myself to you." I sit down. "I'm unbelievable." I've given up trying to make him talk because obviously it's not going to happen. Obviously he doesn't want to give me a reason why he's not going to promote his so-called best friend'. He still hasn't said a damn thing. He knows he can stop me anytime and say something.

Alright Catherine Willows, let's try a new approach.

Guilt.

"I have a daughter who is so starved for my attention, she is thumbing rides to Fremont Street to see her grandfather. The last person I want her around." Sorry I'm using you Linds, but it's for a good cause honey. "I mean, not that it's much better with my mother, who sees Lindsey much more often than I do." Geez Linds, out of all the people you could run too. Why not Gil, why don't you run to him or even Sara? Am I such a bad mother that you have to? "I am missing out on my daughter's life. I have no life of my own. Would you just stop me and say something here?" Please Gil say anything at all. I don't care if it's get out of my office' just say something. Anything!

He takes off his glasses slowly. This is a sure sign that he's truly thinking about what I'm saying.

"You want the job because you're worried about Lindsey?"

"That's…" not all of it. It hardly scratches the surface. You want to know the real reason Gil? It's because I love you and you don't notice me. I can't come in and work every night when I feel this way and you don't. Say it Catherine. Just tell him! "…part of it, but…"

"The position calls for leadership, Catherine. You have to inspire others, solve problems, which means you have to leave your own problems at home." Is that subliminal messaging Gil? Who am I kidding, you don't think of me the way I want you too. We're just friends nothing more. There's only one thing to do.

"I want the job because I can do it. I'm qualified, I'm motivated and I'm ready, Gil. You know I am." I tell him with all the stubbornness I can build up. If ever there was a need for me to be stubborn to get my own way, this is it.

"I do." I almost do a double take. He's made me sit through this argument, almost spill my heart out to him and he agrees with me? "Which is why I already sent in you're a.P. I gave you 100. I even put in a good word with the Director. The rest is up to you. And…" He pauses. Please say you don't want me to go Gil. I want this promotion, but I want you more. Please Gil, stop me. "…I hope you get it." He says in all honesty. Of course he would. He's my best friend and he only wants what's best for me.

"Thank you." I smile slightly. I have to get out of here before I burst into tears out of gratitude and the pain of saying goodbye.

* * *

"Thank you." She says to me and leaves the room. I sigh, as I watch her go I wonder what on earth I've just done. I know I'm going to see less of her once she takes the position. I'd give anything to tell her I don't want her to go. But what kind of a friend would I be to stop her from something she really wants?

A friend that loves her more than anything in the world...  
With all his heart.


End file.
